The Worse They Were, The Better I Became

jessie-mowryBy: Jessie Mowry
graduate and faculty member of WLICC

When I look back on my childhood, I often reflect about the kind of parents my mother and father decided to be. Yes, you heard me right, “decided to be.”

I have come a long way in learning to accept that they made what I perceive to be extremely poor choices as parents. I had an ‘AHA!’ moment when I realized that my own miserable life, and the stressors I had endured for years, were mostly caused by the bad choices I had been making! Once I became aware of this, because I refused to go into complete denial like my parents had, I never again became unaware.

I accept the fact that my parents were flawed human beings. I had a pedophilic, narcissistic and controlling father and my mother was disconnected, spineless, and incapable of protecting her children. I came to realize that the kinds of choices they made on behalf of the family were pathetic reflections of their own dysfunctional childhoods. As adults, their behaviors went unchecked and unchallenged.

Growing up in the presence of my parents’ dysfunctional patterns suffocated me as a helpless, innocent child. The lives they constructed left nothing but destruction in it’s wake. I was bound and determined to never follow in their footsteps of consistently making bad, and frankly, selfish choices. They were (and still are) responsible for the trail of tears they left behind.

My parents effectively modeled how not to listen to myself, how to push away my own intuition and instincts, and how to consistently lie to myself. This was how they related to themselves so my siblings and I thought for a long time that that was normal behavior. We were never allowed to question or to challenge. We were simply taught, like so many other kids, to shut up and obey.

Though like a blade of grass shooting its green spear through a random crack in the sidewalk, eventually my spirit called forth to be recognized. “You can never find yourself until you face the truth,” I read in a book one time. Those words drove themselves deep into my psyche, waking up a surge of emotions that I couldn’t control. I found myself crying but not knowing why. So, I set out to discover and face the truth. Taking this life coach training was the most essential tool in helping me to do that.

How To Make The Right Choice
You may have come to a place in your life, that in spite of what others may have done to you, you are ready to make new choices about how to live. Are the choices you’ve made so far not working for you? Then the power to change is just a click away.

You have the right to change. There’s a chance that you may have to encounter some of the darkness of your past, but there’s always a way out. Always.

My work as a life coach and faculty mentor is to help my clients and students to see that they have choices. Even when a person feels stuck, there are tools to help navigate through the darkness to ensure that the light is found.

I have walked through the dark myself so I know how destructive patterns can take hold! But once I finally reached the light in my own life, I heeded the call to show others how to create lives that they have always wanted, no matter how dark their past may have been.

“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times,
if only one remembers to turn on the light”

Albus Dumbledore
The Harry Potter book series

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